Whenever I think about secrets I sing that little refrain from Snow White in my head.
God bless the voice of Snow White. It is so weird sounding.
Anyways, do you ever walk through your day and think, I’m a bit of a strange person? I obviously do or I wouldn’t ask you that. There are so many moments in my day where I wonder, do other people do this? Or is it just me? So here I am, baring all, aka baring those little moments when you wonder if you’re the weirdest person in the room. Since I’m usually alone when I wonder these things, the answer is always yes.
1. How irrationally angry do you get when you cut open a watermelon and discovered you picked up a mealy overripe one? I tried the thump test, looked for the white spot where it sits on the ground when it’s ripe and STILL I GOT A DUD. It made me very angry at first, but I was able to cut up and save the fruit closest to the rind for eating and scooped out the center that was mealy and overripe to turn into watermelon agua fresca or watermelon lemonade. That calmed me down.
2. When my baby gets dirty I weigh how much of a hassle it is to change him with how dirty he actually is. If he spits up a little bit and it seems like it will dry pretty quickly, the change isn’t worth it. If he pees out his cloth diaper a tiny bit in the middle of the night onto his sleep sack, eh, he doesn’t even notice, so why should I disrupt his sleepy nursing time with a jarring outfit change. CONTINUE TO BE DIRTY MY FRIEND!
3. When I smell my dog’s disgusting breath I think about becoming a dog assassin. Maybe I could set up some kind of innocuous, peaceful death for her that would look totally natural. Then I remember how sad I feel whenever she acts sick or frail. Don’t worry, I won’t actually do anything to her. Lucky for her we found a breath freshening/gum health improving product at our local pet store that seems to working. Her breath doesn’t smell like she’s rotting from the inside out anymore. It smells more like she’s eaten all of the dirtiest shoes, which is a step up.
4. People often ask me if becoming a parent is hard. In many ways it is, but I haven’t felt like it’s been hard work. Most of the time it’s just little inconveniences. There are lots of moments throughout the day where I think, it would be more convenient for me to pee right now, but Calvin is fussing, or Calvin wants to play, I’ll attend to him first. Or having to change your routines and schedules to accommodate a little baby. Adjusting to seeing your partner as a parent. These don’t feel hard, they just feel a bit inconvenient. Like a small irritation to your normal life that you have to adjust to. The hard moments are when you’re wondering, “Should I swaddle him to sleep, should I swaddle one arm or both? Should I let him cry it out for a little bit if he doesn’t fall asleep? Should I hold him until he falls asleep? WHAT WILL MAKE HIM FALL ASLEEP THE BESTEST???” Making decisions about his sleeping and eating habits, trying to stimulate and help him learn when he’s awake, you can’t see clear outcomes for the decisions you make at this stage. Some things seem to work, but sometimes it seems like nothing has changed. I imagine there will be actually difficult moments coming in the future, for example: when he says, “Mom, why can’t I sing songs about poop? Dad does!” That will be a hard conversation I’m sure.
There you go, some of my “strange” thoughts from the past week. I’d love to hear some of yours!