Mom Confessions

Dear sisters,

After almost a year of being a mother I realized I had to share some of those moments where I am left questioning who am I? Warning, this could be a bit gross to some people.

The moment I drank out of my son’s sippy cup rather than walk across the room to get my water bottle. Yeah, that happened…a few times…That thing is hard to drink out of too. They’re really trying to prevent him from getting too much water at once. I had to suck on it for like…30 seconds to get a moderate amount of water. Was it worth it? Yeah, I really didn’t want to get up.

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When I literally baby-birded my baby. This one made Kevin gag a little. Let me explain a little bit before you write me off as a weirdo. Calvin is pretty moody about eating solids. He sometimes seems totally disinterested in the food we offer him and other times gobbles it up. Most nights he is FASCINATED with what I put in my mouth. He leans forward and opens his mouth a bit and stares at my mouth like it’s the most amazing thing ever. One night I just held a bit of bread for him (in my mouth) and he took it (with his mouth) and ate it oh so happily. I haven’t really done it again cause it does feel a bit strange, but it was a hilarious moment.

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Feeling extremely contrary about going to work. Most days as I drop Calvin off at work I think, “Phew, this is great. What would we do together for the next 5 hours? I’d be really bored. I’m kind of glad I get to go to work.” Then I pick him up and think, “How could I be away from you for so long? I’ve missed you so much, I think I don’t ever want to go to work again.” Then the cycle repeats, 4 days a week.

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Routinely getting poop on my fingers. This is a weird one. With Calvin’s cloth diapers and not-so-breast milky poos I can’t always tell if he’s pooped or not. The simplest way for me to check is to just slide my finger into his diaper. Sometimes I get a horrible surprise. Luckily poop washes right off.

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I think being a mother is like slowly being brainwashed. You start with this amazing/life altering event (giving birth) then try your best to get back to normal but with a crying needy infant. Slowly, after months and months of living with this wonderful child you realize that life is never going to be the same and you can’t really go back to the pre-baby you. And you don’t mind.

I’m sure that someone said to me as an expectant mother, “Oh, your life is going to change so much, you’ll never be the same.” And Kevin and I looked at each other smugly and thought, “Hey, we’ll be fine, how hard can it be.” And we were right, it was totally easy. JUST KIDDING. More like, we were right and completely wrong at the same time. We are fine and parenting feels easy sometimes because you love your child so much, but at the same time it feels like the weirdest thing any person could ever do yet SO MANY PEOPLE DO IT?!?

I very clearly remember the moment as a young child when I realized every one else in the world probably had complicated inner dialogues just like me. In awe I think I told one of you sisters that it was so crazy that every one else in the world doesn’t see the world the way I do, that they’re thinking about it in a totally different way. Even my own sisters could have different ways of seeing the same thing I was seeing. I feel like I’m having that same moment as a mom. There are millions of parents out there, we have so much in common, yet parenting our child feels so completely unique. Maybe I’m just being a millenial (I’m a special snowflake of a parent). What do you think sisters/internet friends?

Love,

Jewel

 

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